Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
