At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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