Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
