Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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