I wish you could order shots online.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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