I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so let's talk penis.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
