What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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