What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
