so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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