Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
