You can't special order awesome
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
