I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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