I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
