literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
