I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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