I CAN MOONWALK!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
