I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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