Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
