We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
