yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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