She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
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She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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