It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
