I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
