she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
