I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
