I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
