I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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