so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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