my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
