So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
