He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
