I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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