I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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