i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You have to summon your inner elephant
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
