glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
