I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
