butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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