Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
