I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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