At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
