we have pet lesbian snakes
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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