why im i the only drunk person in the library?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize