Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
love makes seman taste better
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
