I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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