it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
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she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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