Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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