A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
