My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
