I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
