This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
