Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
