Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You need a sexual gate keeper
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
