If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
