Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Michael Bay diarrhea
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
