You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm too high and old for this...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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