The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
