I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
