From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
love makes seman taste better
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
