I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
