you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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