sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
