Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
