i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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