I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
