if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize