how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
